ugly people sure do ruin things
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
