Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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