Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
