Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
