The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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