During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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