I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
