Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
