Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
