the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
