Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
