The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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