You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
