If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
