I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
