Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
