Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
