so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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