While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
