Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
