why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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