Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
