he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
