where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
