i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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