Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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