she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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