Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
