I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
