Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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