You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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