I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
