I just made out with a guy for $7.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
