now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
