Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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