Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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