my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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