I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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