____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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