On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
