I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
