im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
