Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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