She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
