guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
