I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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