she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
