It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
