When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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