I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
