ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
