who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why didn't you poke me back
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
