did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
