I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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