I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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