Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize