Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
