He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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