I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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