I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
