how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
