im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
