my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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