Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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