Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
