he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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