You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
