what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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