im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
