His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
