woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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