Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.