He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
