What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
