I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.