Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??