Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.