Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
