I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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