eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
