they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
