my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
